The Band's Story

The 2nd Greatest Story Ever Told

The Mike Church Show Band was formed in 1999 when guitarist Alan Grossman, owner of the Hit Music Studios, snuck into the WBT studios in Charlotte NC and slipped a threatening note in my mailbox “do NOT ignore Hit Music or the Lord will take his wrath out on you!” Not wanting be beheaded or forced to listen to Marvin Gorman sermons I complied and first showed up at their studios on Thursday, 09 December 1999. This meeting produced the Christmas song “Horny Santa”. I quickly learned that religious conversion was not on their agenda but song conversion was.

The actual laying down of tracks took no more than two hours as I watched Jimm and Alan make their magic. “Give me a har sen freffen beat Alan”, “...har sen freffen beat it is”.... “nana see wall oh poonuh lick” he continued “nana see wall oh poonuh lick!”. Well it may as well have sounded like that to me.

Then came the moment I had both dreaded and coveted, kind of like actually getting that fat girl into the sack after 10 Jose Cuervos. I had to sing. What did I know about singing in a studio with real music producer dudes staring me down?

Well, lucky for me Jimm and Alan both thought my little Horny Santa song was brilliant and so they helped me cook up the idea to sing it like Louis Armstrong with a throat full of gravel. The result is the nifty little Christmas record “The Horny Santa”. There’s one more part to that story. We were supposed to have some colored girls singing the back up lines “He’s the Horny Santa” but I was fresh out of favors at the Usher Fan Club so jimm tried to call Jennifer Anderson in to do the vocals.

As would become routine over the next two years, Jennifer wasn’t available as there were heirs to the Hellman’s Mayonnaise fortune that needed to be chased so, Jimm had to do them. At first we tried pitching his tracks up to sound more female but he just wound up sounding like an elf. An elf!? Now that’s an idea, why didn’t I think of that? The rest as they say is history. (You can hear the Horny Santa Song in the Discography)