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Mandeville, LA – Exclusive Transcript Just like in the movies, bring a sack full of heads into Congress, dump them on the witness table and say: Blam, kablowee!  Do like the guy in the Best Western hotel television commercials.  Go into a meeting with a bunch of Eskimos sitting at a table and with a pair of ice tongs you drop a giant block of ice on the table and go: Boom.  You go into Congress, a burlap sack filled with ISIS heads.  You drop them on Chairman Scalise’s table and go: Boom.  Marque and reprisal, pay me.  Check out today’s transcript for the rest….

Begin Mike Church Show Transcript

Mike:  Exactly what conversion to what specific — you’ve got to pick one — denomination of Christianity is Mr. Robertson referring to?  Here you go:

[start audio file]

Sean Hannity: I think the only answer is, I think they are at war with us —

Phil Robertson: Yeah.

Hannity: — whether we like it or not. I think most people would rather live in peace. Most Americans: Just leave us alone, we’ll leave you alone. They’re not going to leave us alone. They’re not going to leave Israel alone. So that leaves us with two options: do nothing [Mike: How’d Israel get involved?] and get ready for the next attack and then we’ll have a report that says they were at war with us and we weren’t at war with them.

Robertson: At this case, you either have to convert them, which I think would be next to impossible. I’m not giving up on them, but I’m just saying either convert them or kill them, one or the other.

Hannity: That’s going to —

Robertson: I think converting them maybe has, that time has come and gone. So I think that with this ideology that we’re faced with, this is like street gang, street thugs on steroids. You think about it, most of the wars we’ve fought, they were not asymmetrical like this one. This one, it’s not like our country with a standing army and we line up and do battle with a certain amount of rules that they violate. You say this is more like worldwide gang warfare, but this gang is well armed and well organized. I think, my opinion, we’re going to have to deal with this group way more harshly than we have up to this point.

Hannity: Because they’re so harsh. Now, I know that there are going to be people that are always looking to jump on you and say: Convert them or kill them? They’re going to say: There goes Phil Robertson again. No, no, I know the media. I know how they act.

Robertson: I’d much rather have a Bible study with all of them and show them the error of their ways and pulling them to Jesus Christ, the author and perfector of having your sins removed and being raised from the dead. I would rather preach the gospel of Jesus to them. However, if it’s a gunfight and a gunfight alone, if that’s what they’re looking for, me personally, I’m prepared for either one.

[end audio file]

Mike:  This is a good point here.  Here’s a question for many of you listening out there right now.  I was resoundingly pooh-poohed yesterday and two days ago and last week and two weeks ago when I suggested that, after the butchering of beloved James Foley, the first journalist to have his head unceremoniously removed from his body, many of you mocked, made fun of, got angry, threatened to cancel subscriptions and what have you when I suggested and Professor Gutzman suggested that one of the ways you can deal with these ISIS clowns is for Congress to issue letters of marque and reprisal and to allow what you just heard, Phil Robertson and the gang from Duck Dynasty, allow them some kind of reward and the sanction of the American government to go into Islamic lands, the lands of Syria and Iraq and what have you, Egypt and whatnot, Somalia if you need to, and go and take ISIS out.

Just like in the movies, bring a sack full of heads into Congress, dump them on the witness table and say: Blam, kablowee!  Do like the guy in the Best Western hotel television commercials.  Go into a meeting with a bunch of Eskimos sitting at a table and with a pair of ice tongs you drop a giant block of ice on the table and go: Boom.  You go into Congress, a burlap sack filled with ISIS heads.  You drop them on Chairman Scalise’s table and go: Boom.  Marque and reprisal, pay me.

I am all for this.  I am 100 percent in when it comes to — it’s not as though we don’t have hired, professional mercenaries at our disposal that said letter of marque and reprisal could be issued to, which some of you think is a joke.  It’s not a joke.  It’s one way to combat piracy on the high seas, and it’s also one way to effectively neutralize non-state actors as enemies.  Can I repeat that for you?  Non-state actors as enemies.  Marque and reprisal.  You have been marqued.  We’re going to seek reprisal against you.  Here’s the reward.  It’s probably also cheaper.

For those of you that say that can’t happen, why not?  You mean to imply or to say to me that the men that work for Blackwater, for example, are not capable of doing pretty much the same thing that our regular troops do if they had the sanction and legal authority to do so?  That’s what a letter of marque and reprisal would do.  Hey, we could have the next Duck Dynasty television show instead of going out this fall and hunting ducks.  Armor up, ammo up, plan your travel, and then ISIS up.  Don’t sick in a duck blind.  Find some sand, some desert camo.  Go ISIS hunting.

Some of you are probably laughing and snickering, [mocking] “We need the army to go in there and do that.”  Why?  Why do you need an army — besides the fact that putting American troops into Syria is just a dumb idea, dumb, dumb, dumb and dumber.  Jim Carey and Jeff Daniels couldn’t’ dream up so stupid of a plan.  However, individual actors choosing to try and bring in the bounty for the letter of marque and reprisal, this comes without all the strings attached.  Of course, then you have to make some kind of a policy to say: If you go over there and try to execute this letter of marque and reprisal and one of these ISIS lunatics catches you and threatens to cut your head off on the next episode of Duck Dynasty, you’re on your own, pal.  So if you’re going to shoot, shoot to kill and don’t miss.

Of course, no one is going to suggest what really, really threatens ISIS, what really threatens the disciples of the so-called prophet.  [mocking] “Mike, who’s this so-called prophet you’re always yammering about?”  Mohammed, the so-called prophet.  By the way, Paul, on September the 11th, we’re going to have a very special guest on this show.  Mark your calendars because you’re not going to want to miss this.  What is our Islamic scholar guest celebrity’s name?

Paul:  Andrew Bieszad.

Mike:  I discovered Mr. Bieszad via our friends at OnePeterFive, a great new website.  If you are a Catholic, it’s a great site to visit.  If you’re not and you’re curious, it’s a good site.  They have really good writers there.  Mr. Bieszad is a gentleman that penned the piece “What Did the Saints Say about Islam?” which has been shared about 50,000 times via social media.  I heard Bieszad speak about two or three weeks ago and I was impressed, so impressed that I immediately reached out to the proprietor of OnePeterFive and asked if he would put Paul, our producer here, in touch with Mr. Bieszad to schedule an interview.  It was Mr. Bieszad’s suggestion that he would like to come on the show and he would like to talk to the audience, as he did the OnePeterFive audience, about Islam.  Here’s the really intriguing part about Bieszad, he speaks fluent Arabic.  He can quote off the top of his head the pertinent parts of the Koran in Arabic and then translate them for you and tell you just how full of you-know-what they are.  It will be a fascinating interview and fascinating discussion on September 11th.

When you hear me talking about the so-called prophet, that’s what I’m referring to, this alleged man of God that supposedly had these visions come to him and he wrote this stuff down.  As a matter of fact, I also talked about this a couple of weeks ago, The Satanic Verses, Salman Rushdie, who is enemy of the State number one.  This is what ISIS really fears, men like Salman Rushdie.  Why does ISIS fear men like Salman Rushdie?  Well, because Salman Rushdie comes wielding the sword of truth.  The Satanic Verses part of Salman Rushdie’s book is exactly that, ladies and gentlemen.  The prophet was no prophet, and if he was, he was a prophet of Satan.  That’s why the book is called The Satanic Verses.  Contained in the Koran are the verses of Satan.  That’s why he is the so-called prophet.  He is certainly no Elias.  He’s no Jeremiah.  If he is a prophet, then he is from the other side.

I’ll tell you what ISIS really fears.  You won’t find it in any of the tweets from the Hollywood stars.  You won’t find it in most people’s ruminations about this.  You know what they really fear?  Phil Robertson is hitting on it, so credit and kudos to Phil Robertson.  They fear God.  They fear the son of man.  Our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ is what they fear.  They fear him so much, their fear is so palpable and so visceral of our Lord that they are willing to kill anyone that professes a belief in him and will deny him in his final day.  You’ll get a chance to recant, to renounce your faith in our Lord or we’ll cut your head off.  Folks, this is how martyrs are made.  That is what drives ISIS and radical Islamic lunatics, disciples of Satan himself.  That’s what drives them to drinking.  That’s what terrifies and mortifies them, the power of our Lord.  And if you think they’re scared of our Lord, let me inform you, they are double secret probation scared of Our Lady.

End Mike Church Show Transcript

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1 Response
  1. vwqu33r

    One of the most spot on transcripts I’ve read. I was only able to listen to a fraction of the program that day, but in scrolling through here, I noticed the title, and had to read. I am so glad I did, as it was not only entertaining as usual, but brilliantly simple, and while our all knowing overlords would never in a million years do this, I can’t help but think just how awesome it would be. Incidentally, I was able to listen to today’s program and am so very glad to have been able to hear Andrew Bieszad speak. What a fascinating program today! I can’t tell you how much I enjoyed it!. On a side note, King Dude, I love love love your irreverence when it comes to things like “the so called prophet”, the comic book characters “ISIS”, etc. I was recently chided by a actual friend on fb for alluding to ISIS being a bunch of girls because they “named themselves after some goddess”. One of the things I love most about you is the way you mock the myriad of the ever so splendidly mockable characters. Among other things, a most sincere thank you for that. 🙂

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