Republican Contract with America 2.0 Pledge to Expand Government… Conservatively
MANDEVILLE, LOUISIANA – Republican House Minority Leader, John Boehner of Ohio’s 8th Congressional District held a press conference in a Virginia lumberyard today along with other GOP window dressing to unveil their cost cutting measures should they regain majority in at least one house of Congress following the mid-term elections. The Pledge to America outlines how with Republicans in charge by golly, the federal government will get down to the business of creating jobs, in a more conservative albeit still inefficient manner.
Pressed by reporters exactly which programs Republicans would cut in order to achieve the much touted spending reductions, Minority Leader Boehner quickly pointed his finger to the sky and began citing well-established catchy Republican talking-points ad nausea so as to avoid the question while still sounding tough on spending.
As the press continued in vain to pry greater detail regarding how cutting 100 billion dollars annually over the next decade provided any hope whatsoever of avoiding an economic catastrophe for a federal deficit now past 13 trillion, Minority Leader Boehner opted instead to put the onus back onto the American people. He answered their inquiry by stating that the people must be willing to have a grown-up conversation with politicians in Washington if the nation is to avoid a financial disaster. Minority Leader Boehner made no mention whether or not indoor voices will be required should such a meeting ever actually come to fruition.
Begin Mike Church Show Transcript
Mike: This is exactly whats going to happen with what Obama has done, that once the size of the federal leviathan has grown, the nitwits, the DeceptiCons, the fake, phony frauds that call themselves conservatives, that reside in what used to be known as the Republican Party its just a party full of hacks now, with the exception of a few notable exceptions there that they will claim that, why,we cant roll all this back. We have responsibilities.
I read you now from the agenda, A Pledge to America, the Republican Pledge to America. I want you to listen to this. Now, today is either Liberation Day or Mourning Day. Either you’re mourning the death of the Republican Party and have now come fully to grips with what Ive been telling you for three years now, that there is no hope to save Mordor on the Potomac, its over. Lets bring Bill Paxton in here. You want to hear Bill Paxton, AG?
AG: Always got to go to him.
Mike: Oh, yeah,yeah, yeah.
Bill Paxton [as Private Hudson]: That’s it,man. Game over, man. Game over. What are we gonna to do now? What are we gonna do?
Bill Paxton [as Private Hudson]: Maybe you haven’t been keeping up on current events, but we just got our asses kicked, pal.
Mike: [Laughing] So it’s over. There is no opposition party to ObamaCare. They’ve thrown the towel in on that. But I want to read this to you. Now, keep the ratchet effect in mind. Now, your Republican Party is supposed to be the party of limited smaller government. Remember this. Now, I predicted to you, and again, I’m going to say this again for you people that hate my guts or cant stand the fact that I’m correct on this, that I do not enjoy this. This is not an enjoyable thing for me to say that I was right. I wish, wish wish wish that I was wrong. I’m not, this is not I’m not happy about this. I would much rather be wrong and live in a limited government constitutional federal republic than I would be proven correct time and time again. I feel its beyond my duty as an entertainer and the host, and your gracious host of this program to play citizen from time to time, and to tell you exactly what I think and where we stand.
Were screwed. The federal game is over. Your opposition party has mailed it in. We will now be stuck with,just as Higgs predicts and just as I have been informing you, with the size of the government that Nancy Pelosi gave us. These clowns, these Republicans act as if we don’t know that they presided over the largest increase in the size and scope of the federal government in the history of Earth, from 2000 to 2006. And then when Nancy Pelosi took over she just went [mimicking Speaker Pelosi], Oh, look what they did. We could do more. And then she took over, and she grew the federal government, and she grew its size and its scope and its powers. And now, just as Higgs has predicted and I have informed you of, the ratchet effect is in effect. You have Republicans now putting in writing that the Pelosi era, the Pelosi-size government will be your government for the rest of your natural-born life. Get used to it.
I don’t believe I’m reading this, seriously. Here’s the headline. I’m reading from their document. Cut Government Spending to Pre-Stimulus, Pre-Bailout Levels. Who was running the show during the bailout? It was Pelosi. This was after two years of Pelosi. With common-sense exceptions for seniors, veterans, and our troops oh, yes, keep the military industrial complex fully funded and expanding, the empire must grow, after all, don’t you know we will roll back government spending to pre-stimulus, pre-bailout levels, saving us at least wait a minute, ladies and gentlemen, wait for it,wait for it saving us at least at least how much? [Austin Powers fanfare] $100 billion. Gee, Dr. Evil, thanks. A hundred billion [laughing hysterically]. That’s a joke, right? That’s a big joke. You’re a funny guy. That’s a joke; right? Well, it’ll save us a hundred billion …in the first year alone and putting us on a path to begin paying down the debt,balancing the budget, and ending the spending spree in Washington that threatens our children’s future. These people are traitors. Paring it down a hundred billion dollars, after it grew by a trillion? Don’t insult my intelligence. So you’re toast. I’m toast. Our kids are toast. Gameover. Just as Bill Paxton said. Game freaking over.
[Aliens clip] Bill Paxton[as Private Hudson]: That’s it,man. Game over, man. Game over. What are we gonna to do now? What are we gonna do?
Mike: So now it’s not just Democrats to play the game to eat out our sustenance. As Patrick Henry said, to send battalions of bureaucrats hither and yon like a swarm over the countryside to eat out our sustenance. They’re all in on it now. We’ve asked Robert Higgs to come on the program because Id love to get his take on this. The book is Crisis and Leviathan, and Higgs has been proven correct time and time again. Now, lets get reaction here. Here is DeceptiCon fake, phony fraud hacks on Fox News this morning,whoa, this plan, the people are finally back in charge, you’re going to hear one hack Republican say. So in order, here’s who we have. We have Michele Bachmann, Shelley Moore, and then Spence Bacchus touting this new agenda, this new Pledge to America.
[Clip] Rep. Bachmann: The GOP has done a good job in listening to the heartbeat of the people right now, which is stop, turn the corner, and focus on job creation. [Mike: Oh, my God, oh, help us.]
[Clip] Rep. Capito: From what Ive seen, I haven’t seen the whole product yet, but I think it encompasses a broad-based feeling of the loss of jobs, the economy. And we’ve stuck to the issues, I believe, that are most important to people in America trying to put food on their tables.
[Clip] Rep. Bacchus: America became the greatest economy on the face of the Earth, three times bigger than the next largest economy, not by government control, not by the government making decisions, but by the power of the people. This is putting the people back in charge of Washington.
Mike: [Laughing hysterically] That guys funny. So Pelosi and Co. spent 3.7 trillion this year, and were putting the people back in charge, and we’re only going to spend 3.6 trillion next year, if we get the House back. Oh, that’s putting the people in charge. My, my. Gee. How many hours did you guys stay up, burning midnight oil, to think of that one? Wait a minute, who are you telling me oh, that’s right, that’s right. AG is reminding me. Thanks, AG. Michele Bachmann is the woman that created the Tea Party Caucus in Congress. The first cut you had, oh, the Republicans have done a good job out there, they’ve got their ear out there listening to the American people out there. So this is what the Tea Party Caucus has always wanted. Just as Gov. Palin said the other day, yes,yes, yes, we don’t want to really we really don’t want to cut the size and the scope of the federal government. No,no, no. We just want Republicans spending the money and appropriating it.
These people are frauds, ladies and gentlemen. They should be sued and prosecuted for being frauds. How many of your neighbors are going to buy this crap hook, line, and sinker? This is absolutely inexcusable. It is wrong. And I tell you this,now, and you heard Senator DeMint on Sunday say, Well, I really fear, if we get back in the majority, and we don’t do what we say were going to do, that that’s going to be the end of the Republican Party. The Republican Party is over. Its dead. Stick a fork in it. It’s dead. Now, they may have the apparatus to help some people like Rand Paul or like Joe Miller and a couple other select individuals win federal office. But fixing this thing from the inside out, lets just be honest, the Constitution is dead. It was a nice run while we had it. Its over. Its over.
End Mike Church Show Transcript