Mandeville, LA – Exclusive Transcript – “Did we colonize or make a territory out of Antarctica now? Oh, for heaven’s sake! Wait a minute, let me guess. We found some terrorists down there. You know what they found? They found that jihadis hate the penguins for their freedoms, that’s what they found.” Check out today’s transcript for the rest…
Begin Mike Church Show Transcript
Mike: Here’s the headline from FoxNews.com yesterday, “Coast Guard ship to attempt to rescue 2 icebreakers in Antarctica.” Why is the United States Coast Guard rescuing anyone in Antarctica? And what the hell are they doing down there? Did we colonize or make a territory out of Antarctica now? Oh, for heaven’s sake! Wait a minute, let me guess. We found some terrorists down there. You know what they found? They found that jihadis hate the penguins for their freedoms, that’s what they found. What is the United States Coast Guard doing in Antarctica?
A U.S. Coast Guard heavy icebreaker left Australia . . .
Mike: Wait a minute, you mean now the United States of America, we now make great white-infested Australian waters safe for surfers? What is a U.S. Coast Guard cutter doing in Australia? Here, let me ask the question in reverse: How many Australian Coast Guard cutters are in the Port of New Orleans today? I could probably go down there and check. Maybe I’ll do that after the show.
The 399-foot cutter, the Polar Star, is responding to a Jan. 3 request from Australia, Russia and China to assist the Russian and Chinese ships because “there is sufficient concern that the vessels may not be able to free themselves from the ice,” the Coast Guard said in a statement.
Mike: Here’s another inconvenient truth, Al. The polar region or the Antarctic is also getting colder. Antarctic sea ice has been expanding steadily for over a decade now. It was supposed to be the mission — I’ll get to that in just a moment here — of the Polar Star — I wonder if the Polar Star is any relation to the train conducted by Tom Hanks, the Polar Express….
Does the Polar Star work for Santa Claus, too? We help everyone else on earth out, right? Why not Santa? Maybe he needed a little help getting the sleigh through the ice from the North Pole this year. So they’re worried that the vessels may not be able to extract themselves from the ice.
The Russian research ship Akademik Shokalskiy has been trapped in ice-clogged Commonwealth Bay since Christmas Eve, while the Chinese ship which came to its rescue, Xue Long or Snow Dragon in Chinese, reported on Friday it too had become stuck nearby.
A day earlier, the Chinese ship’s helicopter had retrieved from the Russian ship 52 scientists, journalists and tourists who are now on their way home aboard an Australian icebreaker, Aurora Australis.
Authorities say the 101 crew aboard the Chinese ship and 22 aboard the Russian ship were well provisioned and in no immediate danger.
The Polar Star cut short its planned stop in Sydney, Australia, to assist. It left Sydney on Sunday morning local time, Coast Guard spokeswoman Chief Warrant Officer Allyson Conroy said in an email. [Mike: I want to read this to you. Maybe someone is out there listening that’s a former Coast Guard and can shed some light on this.]
“Our highest priority is safety of life at sea, which is why we are assisting in breaking a navigational path for both of these vessels.” Vice Adm. Paul F. Zukunft, the Coast Guard Pacific Area commander, said in a statement.
Mike: Let me see if I understand this correctly. The United States Coast Guard, part of our standing army, I guess, or our standing navy, now safeguards the entire Pacific? Listen to this. This is a quote from the admiral:
“We are always ready and duty bound to render assistance in one of the most remote and harsh environments on the face of the globe.”
Mike: I would like to enquire as to where the United States Coast Guard has been given the duty of patrolling the ice lanes in Antarctica and for what American purpose? What are you supposed to have a Coast Guard for? Does the guard part not apply to the coast any longer? This is just another function of the empire here. Now it’s our job and our responsibility — you, as you’re going off to work today, freezing, bear in mind that part of your wages will be confiscated from you so that Russians and Chinese and whoever the hell else gets stuck in Antarctic sea ice can be extricated therein because it’s the duty of our Coast Guard.
I have a question. I actually put this in today’s Pile of Prep. I’ll ask it to you: If the Greeks somehow miraculously discover the lost city of Atlantis submerged somewhere in the Mediterranean Sea or in one of the seas around Greece, if they somehow discover the lost world of Atlantis, and if they sent a couple of Greek research vessels out there, and they send some divers down to go and explore Atlantis and somehow they get stuck in Atlantis, is the United States Coast Guard duty-bound to go rescue the Grecian divers? After all, they’re in the water, aren’t they?
Let me ask the question another way. If there is the danger of someone swimming in the Nile River and being bitten by a crocodile, does the United States Coast Guard not have a duty to patrol the waters of the Nile to ensure that no one gets eaten by one of Steve Irwin’s former animal costars? If you’re duty-bound to go down there and patrol Antarctica, why not the Nile? If you’re duty-bound to go down and patrol Antarctica, why not the surfing havens off the coast of Australia? We ought to just resign ourselves to the fact that anyone that wears a uniform anywhere in the United States is duty-bound for duty anywhere on Earth or in the known universe. I wonder if we find rivers crisscrossing and dotting the landscape of Mars, will the U.S. Coast Guard be duty-bound to patrol those rivers? After all, if we find out there are some Martians that have gotten stuck in Martian sea ice, why wouldn’t our magnanimous, irrepressible, unlimited power over the entire universe extend to waterways on Mars?
I realize that some of you who may be new listeners are thinking: What in the hell is this imbecile talking about? Why is he being so ridiculous? I thank you for recognizing that. It is ridiculous. It is positively preposterous. Could you make the case that as a humanitarian effort, perhaps the United States could manage some form of a global rescue team? Do you think you could get an annual appropriation for that? [/private]
Would anyone ask the relevant question: Under what or whose authority have you now extended the power of the U.S. Coast Guard, Army, Navy, Air Force, what have you into every known geographical location on the face of the planet?
End Mike Church Show Transcript